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Eye of the Tiger

I will admit it: I was a child of the 80s. I wore stirrup pants to a middle school dance on purpose. For two and a half years, I had feathered hair. I wrote a supernova simulator in BASIC. The greatest moment of my young life was on my 13th birthday, when I got my own landline just for my room.

Like most children of the 80s, I spent the 90s in a kind of post-apocalyptic jelly-bracelet haze. Sure, the photo evidence of my 8th grade mullet technically existed, but no one much used the internet yet, so there was reasonable damage control. I traded in Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen for No Doubt and Nirvana.

Now and then, someone occasionally organizes an 80s throwback night. A few years ago I was even invited to an ironic 80s prom. Still, for the most part, the decade is behind us, and no one really misses living without a cell phone.

But there are two places where the 80s are back in full force: at karaoke bars, where they never really left, and in job listings.

The first time we saw a job listing come through that called out 80s music, it reminded me of the pre-pubescent year we forgot about my Halloween costume and my mom made me go as Miss America: mildly scarring in the moment, but with redeeming sentimental value nonetheless.

But over the last month, I’ve seen no fewer than 100 public job listings come through Textio that celebrate my decade. That listing was no fluke. It’s an epidemic.

Break out those leg warmers. I submit to you: Ten Job Descriptions for the 80s Fan in Your Life. These are all excerpts from real job listings that we’ve come across at Textio in the last month. Listings that include 80s lyrics have a Textio score that is 6 points lower than average. I’ll try not to take it personally.

Ten Job Descriptions for the 80s Fan in Your Life

“Do you have the eye of the tiger, a deep desire to be perfect, and a passion for online marketing?”

“Do you ever wish that you had Jessie’s job? Well, wish no more — your dream job is here!”

“Because let’s face it. Everybody wants to rule the world, just like the song says. We want killer competitors who are taking the pageant landscape by storm.”

“As they sang in Flashdance, take your passion for analytics and make it happen!”

“Do you like to gather consensus, work creatively, and baby were you born to run?”

“Just like the good Bruce said, you can’t start a fire without a spark. Are you ready to obliterate your sales quotas?”

“We’re not looking for west end girls here. We work hard, and you will too.”

“Life Is A Highway is the Pennsylvania Credit Union Association’s premier e-mail publication.”

“Are you hungry like the wolf? Do you eat challenge for breakfast? Do you line up customer calls and knock em down?”

“Cause we are living in a material world, and we want a material girl for our brand studio.”

Wearing stirrup pants to your interview is strictly optional.

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